Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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