A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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