dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
