So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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