Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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