That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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