Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
