I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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