Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
