I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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