Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
