with your own penis?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
