god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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