Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
