My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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