If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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