We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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