honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
