You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
