Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
