I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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