If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
