the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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