ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize