I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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