he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
