I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
