You're my little dorito
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
