1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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