now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
