from now on my penis is your penis
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Still dying that you shit outside
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
