I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
