Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
