My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
