I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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