I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
