The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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