Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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