I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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