u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Boobs are out for the taking
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
