I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
