She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
