I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize