he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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