My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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