I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
