I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
