I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
