You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
