I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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