No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am spending my child support on dildos
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So much Jack, so little girl.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
