as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
