alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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