How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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