Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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