can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
