there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
