i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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