Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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