How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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