we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Terrible idea I love it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
