I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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