I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
